Text from "Go Figure"

The DisAbility Project
As printed in the Post-Dispatch
Monday, Sept. 4, 2000

Read the text from one of the performances done by members of the DisAbility Project.

" Go Figure"

(Rich is alone onstage)

RICH: You may not be able to tell, but I used to be quite the Barbie girl. Oh yeah, I always was a traditional little girl at heart. I enjoyed dressing up and all that went with it. From my first pair of panty-hose to my bouffant hair, shellacked in place with half a can of Aqua-Net. Remember how popular big hair was in the 80's? The bigger the hair, the closer to God - and with the make-up to match. The trick was to go to that border-line Barbie look without being sickening; I'm not so sure I always succeeded. God, I can remember my college girlfriends and I dressing to go out for the night with the boom box blaring, "No Parking On The Dance Floor."

(Rich starts to turn stage left as he says the following line)

RICH: My favorite outfit was this gray cashmere sweater

(Katie comes out from stage left as the following line is said in unison, the two of them facing each other)

KATIE & RICH: with my black leather mini-skirt and four-inch grey snakeskin pumps.

KATIE: That outfit said,

RICH: "Look at me."

(Rich and Katie face back toward audience)

KATIE: I even won a wet t-shirt contest once at a bar, and the girl next to me took her pants off,

RICH: 'and I still won!

KATIE: My first kiss was in sixth grade at the ice rink. After the rink closed, John, this absolute doll, called me over, put his lips on mine and then ran off. It was so cool!

RICH: I was stunned! When my dad came to pick me up, I felt like throwing up because I was sure he knew what I had clone, that he could read it on my face!

KATIE: (wryly) It's a good thing Dad didn't know what I did as an adult. If there was a man I was attracted to,

RICH: (Rich starts to move behind Katie) who I wanted to be sexual with,

KATIE: I just went for it. I liked being sexual,

RICH: and I certainly didn't have any problems finding willing partners.

KATIE: I figured,

(Rich is behind Katie by this time and they look at each other while saying the following line in unison)

KATIE & RICH: God gave us our sexuality to be enjoyed, right?

(Rich returns to Katie's right side)

KATIE: Oh, sometimes I would worry about what people would think of me...

(They face each other during the following lines)

RICH: Tramp.

KATIE: Slut.

RICH: Hussy.

KATIE: Trollop

RICH: Intern!

(They face the audience)

KATIE: ... and sometimes I would feel scared afterward, after I'd had sex with someone

RICH: even though I got what I wanted

(Rich starts to kneel at Katie's side)

KATIE: But I had fun, too, you know?

(Rich is kneeling at Katie's side so that their heads are level with each other as the following line is said in unison)

KATIE& RICH: It felt ... powerful to be attractive!

KATIE: Then an auto accident brought my life to a screeching halt; I became a quadriplegic, and my life changed - ha - to say the least. I remember the first time I saw myself in the mirror at the hospital.

(Rich has sunk onto his knees by this point)

RICH: I was devastated. I didn't took like "me." I didn't even look like a female anymore I felt more like an "it."

KATIE: So I did everything I could to bring back my womanhood. I told my occupational therapist that I wasn't leaving the hospital until I could put on my own lipstick!

(Rich steps in front of Katie to face audience as Katie turns to face upstage)

RICH: An old boyfriend from high school came to visit me in the hospital. We had been a very active couple. He walked up to the bed, leaned over and gave me a rose. Then we engaged in a major lip-lock session. I was in heaven. Thank God my hormones weren't paralyzed! But when we met again after I got out of the hospital, it was a disaster. It just didn't work. I was devastated again. And it was at that point that I realized that the life I had was no longer.

(During the following lines said in unison, Rich and Katie will "rotate," lazy Susan style, with Katie ending up facing the audience and Rich behind her facing upstage by the end of the lines said in unison)

KATIE & RICH: No more wet t-shirts. No more pumps - and I miss my pumps, damn it! And no more sex.

KATIE: it's funny - you think, "There are certain things in life I will never accept."

And then those things happen to you - and somehow you accept them ... or bust, I guess. And I slowly accepted the fact that this chair had become my world.

My boundaries. My life.

But somehow, I refused to give up. I place a personal ad in the paper: "Petite, professional, independent woman on wheels seeks male." I got over 30 letters! One man thought I drove around a lot.

(Again, Katie and Rich rotate as above; by the end of the line below said "in unison, Rich will face the audience and Katie will be behind him, facing upstage)

KATIE & RICH: I did date two men, but again they were disasters. So I just gave up.

RICH: So imagine my surprise, a few years later, when I met someone. And he expressed interest in me. And I said, "Oh, no. You don't understand. I don't do that anymore. I can't date you - it's just not possible." Well, let me tell you, this guy is patient. And over the course of a year and a half, he became my best friend, and I began to trust him, and I could no longer fight my feelings of attraction for him. So one day we were in the kitchen, and I said, "Pull up a chair and come sit by me." And we kissed. And kissed. For an hour and a half we kissed. Hey, I had to make up for lost time!

(By the end of the above line, Katie has turned to face the audience, even with Rich and to his right)

KATIE: But I still kept my walls up. Kissing was fine, but obviously it couldn't go any further than that. Then a few months later, we had gone to a friend's wedding - the sixth of seven weddings that summer - and this good ol' preacher was preaching,

RICH: "If you love someone, turn to them, grab a hold of them, and let them know it!

(During Katie's line below, Rich will step upstage away from Katie and look at her; this has now briefly become Katie's story alone)

KATIE: So I did. We didn't make the reception. We went back to the hotel and I let him know in no uncertain terms that I wanted to be with him. So I was shocked when he removed my foot pedals and took off my shoes, and I started sobbing,

(By this time Rich has come up behind Katie)

RICH: "Oh God, what if this doesn't work? What if you're not satisfied? What if I can't do it?"

KATIE & RICH: It was like I was a virgin again!

(The following lines will overlap slightly)

KATIE: Well, I told you he was patient.

RICH: And he lifted me to, the bed,

KATIE: and positioned me and would, you know,

RICH: move my leg if he needed to.

KATIE: And even though I don't have any feeling from the shoulders down,

RICH: I could feel the pressure of his hands on my breasts.

KATIE: And I could feel him inside me,

RICH: kind of like a distant pressure.

KATIE: I could feel it in my head,

RICH: like the tingling of a limb that has fallen asleep.

KATIE: And it was the same,

KATIE & RICH: "Oh my God, oh my god OH MY GOD -

KATIE: just in different places now.

(Rich comes out from behind Katie and stands to her left)

RICH: It's funny. Don't get me wrong - I'm still pissed to be in this chair. But instead of becoming a permanent wall, this chair has taught me about true love.

KATIE: And I'm currently having the best sex of my life.

(Katie & Rich look at each other, then look at the audience)

KATIE & RICH: Go figure!